Xaver Raymond Karpinski\’s Advices

Johny says, “I remember the first time I used alcohol as a substitute for women.” “Yeah what happened?” asked Freddy. Johny replies, “Well, er, I got my penis stuck in the neck of the bottle.”

Investment counselor
An investment counselor decided to go out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized that she needed an in-house counsel. The investment banker began to interview young lawyers.

“As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.” She leaned forward. “Mr. Smith, are you an honest lawyer?”

“Honest?” replied the job prospect. “Let me tell you something about honest. Why, I’m so honest that my father lent me $30,000 for my law education, and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.”

“Impressive. And what sort of case was that?” asked the investment counselor.

The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, “He sued me for the money.”

One day a man goes to his doctor and says, “Doc I have these real bad headaches. What should I do?” The doctor replies, “Well, to get rid of my headaches I just have sex with my wife.” They both laugh. A week later the patient returns. The doctor asks, “How are you feeling?”
The patient smiles and replies” You were right! I feel so much better. And, by the way, Doc, you have a lovely home.”

Q: Do I have to be married to have safe fax?
A: Although married people fax quite often, there are many single people who fax complete strangers every day.Q: How old do you think someone should be before they can fax? My parents say they never had fax when they were young, and were only allowed to write memos to each other until they were 21.
A: Faxing can be performed at any age once you learn the correct procedures.Q: If I fax something to myself, will I go blind?
A: Certainly not as far as we can see.

Q: There is a place on our street where you can go and pay for fax. Is this legal?
A: Yes. Many people have no other outlet for their fax drives and must pay a “professional” when their needs to fax become to great.

Q: Should a cover always be used for faxing?
A: Unless you are really sure of the one you are faxing, a cover should be used to insure safe fax.

Q: What happens when I do the procedure incorrectly and fax prematurely?
A: Don’t panic. Many people prematurely fax when they haven’t faxed in a long time. Just start over, most people won’t mind if you try again.

Q: I have a personal fax and a business fax. Can transmission become mixed up?
A: Being bi-faxual can be confusing, but as long as you use a cover with each one, you won’t transmit anything you’re not supposed to.

Three guys, a Russian, Osama bin Ladin and American are out walking together one day. They come across a magic lantern and a Genie pops out of it.

“I will give each of you each one wish, that’s three wishes total,” says the Genie.

The Russian guy says, “I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Russia.”

With a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ the land in Russia was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Ladin was amazed, so he said, “I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Russians or Americans can come into our precious state.”

Again, with a blink of the Genie’s eye, ‘POOF’ there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

American (A former civil engineer), asks, “I’m very curious. Please tell me more about this great wall.”

The Genie explains, “Well, it’s about 20,000 feet high, 600 feet thick and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out. It’s really impenetrable.”

American says, “My wish is filling it with water.”