Three Men At A Bar
There was an English man, an Irish man and a Scots man at a bar.
The English man says "I went into me daughters bedroom the other day and found a packet of fags" then says "the thing is I didn't realised she smoked"
The Scots man then says "I had a similar experience; I went into my daughters bedroom and found a bottle of vodka" he says "the thing is I didn't realise she drank"
The Irish man then said "The same thing happened to me; I went into my daughters bedroom and found a packet of condoms" he then says "The thing is I didn't realise she had a penis."
Boyfriends and Husbands
Q:What is the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
A:45 minutes.
What women would do if they had a penis for a day
10. Get ahead faster in corporate America.
9. Get a blow job.
8. Find out what is so fascinating about beating the meat.
7. Pee standing up while talking to other men at a urinal.
6. Determine WHY you can't hit the bowl consistently.
5. Find out what it's like to be on the other end of a surging orgasm.
4. Touch yourself in public without thought as to how improper it may seem.
3. Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks.
2. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement.
1. Repeat number 9......
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2 Wonderful Hours
Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped."
His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that.
The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?"
"She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."
Grass Sandwich
At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance.
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In America, we call this a hug".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we call this a kiss".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."
Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America, we call this a grass sandwich".
She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it."
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