First Visit
The young blonde bride made her first appointment with a gynecologist and told him that she and her husband wished to start a family.
"We've been trying for months now, doctor, and I don't seem to be able to get pregnant," she confessed miserably.
"I'm sure weŽll solve your problem," the doctor reassured her.
"If you'll just take off your clothes and get up on the examining table."
"Well, all right, doctor," agreed the young woman, blushing, "but I'd rather have my husband's baby.
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The Chicken and The Horse
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper.
He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.
Trouble Sleeping
The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked.
"Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac."
"I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour."
"That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"
The mailman joke
One night while the parent's were having sex a kid walked into the room and saw his parents having sex. The mother jumped up and exclaimed, go in your room billy, I will be right in there. After careful consideration, the father decided that it would be best if he went in and explained it to billy.
Billy, what we were doing is making you a baby brother. Oh goody, goody cried billy. The next morning as the father came down the stairs he found billy sitting at the bottom of the steps.
What are you doing up billy he asked. I am thinking about my baby brother said billy and with that his father left for work. Late that evening the father came in from work to find billy sitting on the steps but crying this time.
Why billy, what is wrong? This morning when I left you were happy about getting a baby brother and now you are crying. Well, I was happy daddy but then the mailman came and ate my baby brother all gone.
Birds and Bees
A mother is in the kitchen making dinner for her family when her daughter walks in.
Mother, where do babies come from?
The mother thinks for a few seconds and says, Well dear, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug and have sex.
The daughter looks puzzled so the mother continues, That means the daddy puts his penis in the mommys vagina. Thats how you get a baby, honey. The child seems to comprehend.
Oh, I see, but the other night when I came into your room you had daddys penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?
Jewelry, my
dear. Jewelry.
