The Old Spinnster
On her 70th birthday, an old spinnster decides it's time to finnaly get married. Since she has no hot prospects, she decides to run this ad in the local newspaper:
" Seventy-year young virgin seeks husband. Must be in same age group, must not beat me, must not run around on me, and MUST still be good in bed. Apply in person"
The next day, her doorbell rings, and when she opens the door, much to her dismay is a gray haired man in a wheelchair, and he has no arms or legs.
She asks the man, "Do you really expect me to choose you? You don't even have any arms or legs!" The old man replies, "Well, I don't have arms, so how could I beat you?" The woman agrees, and asks him to proceed. "I don't have any legs, so how could I run around on you? Again, she agrees, and replies, "But how could you, without any arms or legs, possibly be good in bed?"
The man smiles and says, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I!"
Family Reunion
Three old ladies driving to a family reunion discoverd they had a problem. All three husbands had the same name - LeRoy. The driver came up with an idea of naming their husbands after a soft drink. The other ladies thought this was a wonderful idea.
The driver went first and said she would name hers mountain dew, he was big as a mountain and could dew it all not long, the passenger in the front seat said "I am going to name mine after 7up, he has 7 inches and is up all night long". The third lady thought for a while and said " I am going to name mine Jim Beam" The driver looked at her and said girl, that is not a soft drink that's a hard licker, the girl in the back said "Thats my man".
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Afternoon Quickie
Joe and Wanda had a small apartment in the city and they decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighbourhood activities.
To a young boy, they thought, spying would be a lot of fun and would distract him for an hour or so.
The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.
"An ambulance just drove by."
A few moments passed.
"Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out.
"Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are making whoopie."
Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked.
"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied.
Current Administration
Q: Why are people so scared about the current administration? A: Because we're being ruled by a Bush, a Dick, and a Colin.
Growing Wild
Here is this guy who really takes care of his body; he lifts weights and jogs five miles every day.
One morning, he looks into the mirror and admires his body. He notices that he is really sun tanned all over except one part and he decides to do something about it.
He goes to the beach, completely undresses and buries himself in the dand except for the one part sticking out.
Two little old ladies are strolling along the beach and one looks down and says, "There really is no justice in this world."
The other little old lady says, "What do you mean?"
The first little old lady says, "Look at that."
"When I was 10 years old, I was afraid of it."
"When I was 20 years old, I was curious about it."
"When I was 30 years old, I enjoyed it."
"When I was 40 years old, I asked for it."
"When I was 50 years old, I paid for it."
"When I was 60 years old, I prayed for it."
"When I was 70 years old, I forgot about it."
"And now that I'm 80, the damned things are growing wild!!"
