The mailman joke

One night while the parent's were having sex a kid walked into the room and saw his parents having sex. The mother jumped up and exclaimed, go in your room billy, I will be right in there. After careful consideration, the father decided that it would be best if he went in and explained it to billy.

Billy, what we were doing is making you a baby brother. Oh goody, goody cried billy. The next morning as the father came down the stairs he found billy sitting at the bottom of the steps.

What are you doing up billy he asked. I am thinking about my baby brother said billy and with that his father left for work. Late that evening the father came in from work to find billy sitting on the steps but crying this time.

Why billy, what is wrong? This morning when I left you were happy about getting a baby brother and now you are crying. Well, I was happy daddy but then the mailman came and ate my baby brother all gone.

First Day of School

It was the first day of school and a new student, the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher greeted the class and said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history. Who said, 'Give me liberty or give me death?' "

She saw only a sea of blank faces, except for that of Toshiba, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775," said the boy.

"Now," said the teacher, "who said 'Government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth?' "

Again there was no response except from Toshiba. "Abraham Lincoln,
1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "You should be ashamed. Toshiba, who is new to our country, knows more about it than you do."

As she turned to write something on the blackboard, she heard a loud whisper, "Damned Japanese."

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Toshiba put his hand up. "Lee Iacocca, 1982," he said.

At that point, feeling completely disgusted by Toshiba's classroom superiority, a student in the back sighed and said, "I'm gonna throw up."

Teacher said, "Who said that?"

Again, Toshiba raised his hand and said, "George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Well suck my dick!"

Once again, it was Toshiba with the answer, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997."

The bride tells her husband

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.

And then they made love for the first time.

Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."

Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"

The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.

She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, its not a life sentence,

 OKAY!

 

 

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Hypothetically Speaking

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?"

The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000."

The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!"

The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000."

The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!"

He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'"

The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores."

The Good Samaritan

 It was an unusually cold night, and it had been snowing continuously for hours. An off-duty towtruck driver came across a vehicle that had skidded off the road and was partly submerged in a drainage ditch.

Spotting an attractive young lady standing nearby, the driver stopped and offered his assistance.

She smiled gratefully, as the man began to hook the towtruck to her car.

Making conversation, the driver said "You know, you're the third pregnant lady I've helped out of this ditch tonight."

The trim young lady was puzzled and a bit insulted as she said "You're mistaken, I'm not pregnant!".

Winking at the young lady, the driver retorted "You're not out of the ditch yet".


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